No matter how many years pass, there seems to be an inherent feeling within us that we are merely pretending to be adults. Seriously, who authorized me to handle children, manage taxes, and work every weekday? Yet occasionally, we experience moments that remind us of our genuine maturation. This can happen when you’re unexpectedly thrilled about acquiring a new kitchen gadget or when your New Year’s Resolution involves preparing soup from scratch weekly. TikTok creator Lisa (@itsme_lisap) has uncovered yet another example: reflecting on your own childhood from the perspective of a parent.
“Honestly, the most challenging aspect of being a parent is viewing your own childhood now through a parent’s eyes rather than the way you always did as a child,” she states. “Kids are inherently more forgiving.”
“But now that you have your own little one to care for, you start to look back at certain events or the connections—or lack thereof—you had with your family, and you view them with a sense of regret, anger, disbelief, and confusion,” she elaborates. “Because you see that little person you are responsible for and realize you would never act in the ways that were done to you, as the love for them is so profound and you prioritize them in your life very differently.”
“Then, you find yourself questioning why you didn’t have that,” she adds, with a tone of sadness, “and that’s something that may take years to unpack.”
While altering our childhood experiences isn’t an option, she emphasizes the importance of confronting those uncomfortable or traumatic truths instead of “forgiving, forgetting, and moving on too quickly,” particularly when aiming to steer clear of repeating our parents’ mistakes.
“Trauma has a unique way of surfacing unexpectedly.”
The response to the post has been largely supportive and understanding.
“As a parent now, I truly grasp how tough it can be,” one commenter shared. “I recognize the sacrifices made. However, the choices made are what I don’t understand.”
“I spent several years in therapy thinking I had resolved many issues with my parents,” another user reflected. “I was so wrong. Upon becoming a mother, unresolved feelings towards my own mom came flooding back.”
Conversely, some individuals indicated that their childhoods have shaped their parenting aspirations.
“Everyone has their own experience,” one user mentioned. “My hope is to parent as effectively as my mom did, and to provide my son with what my [mother-in-law] couldn’t offer my husband.”
No parent is flawless, nor can any grown-up look back at their childhood without recognizing their parents’ imperfections. Nonetheless, certain decisions, when viewed from the perspective of a parent, can appear less rational than they did during childhood, a time when we were unaware. These reflections might be worth examining, whether individually or with your parent. While it’s a journey fraught with challenges, personal growth rarely comes easily.
Image Source: fizkes / Shutterstock
