Many individuals struggle with less-than-ideal dynamics with their spouse’s mother, often finding themselves exasperated and wondering, “What’s up with my mother-in-law?”
Janelle, a TikTok creator known as @heyjanellemarie, frequently shares insights on the relationships that women—and their partners—experience with mother-in-laws, particularly those deemed toxic. During a podcast discussion, she was posed a compelling question: “What’s the most significant trend you observe that causes women to become the mother-in-law with a difficult relationship?”
Initially, this question caught her off guard as the answer involves numerous factors. However, after some contemplation, she identified four main characteristics that seem to act as “risk groups,” while reminding listeners that she’s “a person on the internet; I’m not speaking directly to anyone.”
“If we want to pinpoint patterns that might make someone more likely to exhibit certain behaviors or features leading to strained relationships with their son and daughter-in-law,” she shares, “[this] is what I’ve noticed based on thousands of messages I’ve received.”
So, what are the warning signs that could lead to being a difficult mother-in-law? Is your mother-in-law one of the culprits? What about your own mother? Or are you at risk yourself?
Women with unsatisfactory relationships with their own partners
This includes, she notes, single women.
As one commenter reflected, “Mine was a divorced mom who never had another relationship. She viewed my husband more as her partner than her son.”
Indeed, others concurred that their mother-in-laws often depended on their sons for emotional support, perceiving a daughter-in-law as a threat to their status as the “#1 Woman” in their adult sons’ lives.
Women who indulge in gossip
Janelle specifically mentions women who take pleasure in gossiping, particularly about those they actually care for.
A commenter chimed in, “Totally agree about the gossip. It can make you feel included in her inner circle- but remember, if she does this with you, she’s likely doing it about you as well.”
Women with only sons
Reacting succinctly, Janelle simply stated, “Sorry.”
This point sparked curiosity among commenters. Many women, identifying as mothers of boys, expressed their commitment to becoming exemplary mother-in-laws. Others sought clarification, agreed emphatically, or contributed their own insights on the issue.
One suggested, “I’d also say ‘mothers who show favoritism to their sons over their daughters.’ Especially when they explicitly tell their daughters that their son is their favorite (this is certainly the case with my MIL).”
(Sidebar: yikes!)
Another commenter asked, “What do you think about mothers who have their sons at a very young age? Like 22 or younger? I feel this has an impact (in my experience lol).”
A third responder offered, “I feel like for some it leads to deep-rooted insecurity when their sons create their own families. Daughters often remain close to their moms, while sons tend to become more distant.”
Insecure or jealous women
Janelle attributes these behaviors to unresolved trauma that causes these women to become “defensive, insecure, and very jealous.”
So, the question emerges: how many of these characteristics apply to your mother-in-law—and how does that affect your relationship?
Image Source: fizkes / Shutterstock
