At 4 a.m., after the third nighttime feeding with my little one, I affectionately gazed at my pillow on the other side of the room, eagerly anticipating the bliss of two hours of sleep. “You’re the missing piece, cushion,” I whispered.
As I moved closer to bed, I felt a sudden movement behind me. A surge of worry washed over me—our adorable toddler had managed to escape from her bed once again! She entered our room so quietly that it felt like she was on a secret mission. She had her demands: a sip of water, a cuddle, and a favorite toy. Taking her hand to guide her back to her room, I couldn’t help but look back and see my cherished pillow fading away.
Sleep Regression in Young Children is a Real Issue
After welcoming our second child, we began to think about methods to sleep coach our older child. While we were mentally prepared for sleepless nights with the newborn, we hadn’t anticipated significant sleep changes for our 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter as well. She started struggling to fall asleep on her own and had difficulty self-soothing during nighttime awakenings.
Pediatrician Malini Kumar assured us that these challenges were quite common. “It’s very typical for an older sibling to experience sleep disturbances and behavioral changes after a new baby arrives,” she stated. “It’s essential to keep a sense of routine and consistency, particularly with toddlers.”
We tried our best to maintain structure wherever possible. Although our daughter was developing a bond with her “baby brother,” her bedtime confidence continued to wane. We were determined to help her regain restful nights. After a particularly exhausting night filled with awakenings from both the newborn and our toddler, my spouse and I exchanged tired looks and concluded that we needed a strategy. Despite having little experience with sleep coaching beyond infancy, we were willing to try anything.
Expert Guidance for Sleep Coaching Young Children
A friend suggested sleep consultant JoAnna Inks from Sleep Solutions Unlimited. “Toddlers have a level of logical reasoning,” she mentioned in a follow-up call. “We utilize this logic to teach them sleep techniques and address their fears effectively.”
Introducing: the reward and consequence approach to sleep coaching. Initially, this method involved staying in the room and gradually withdrawing. The strategy included reasoning, sticker charts, immediate rewards, and appropriate consequences. For example, small toys or memorable experiences served as immediate incentives for the behaviors we discussed with our child. Fueled by hope and sheer exhaustion, we decided to give this plan a chance.
Continue reading for the fundamental principles of successful sleep coaching for young children shared by sleep consultant JoAnna Inks, and how it transformed our family.
Why is the reward and consequence method effective for toddlers?
Inks: The toddler stage is an ideal time for engaging with children, as they can begin to reason. With a clear, consistent, and developmentally appropriate plan, you can include your child in discussions about sleep expectations.
When these expectations are unmet, it’s essential to have consequences; without them, there’s no incentive for changing undesirable behavior. We implement a reward and consequence system that aligns with both the child’s personality and the parent’s approach to parenting. Our goal is to empower children with effective sleep techniques. At this age, they are eager learners, and gaining sleep skills is no exception.
What is the significance of sleep pressure?
Inks: The best sleep we can offer our children is consolidated nighttime rest. Typically, toddlers aged 2-and-a-half and older require about 12-13 hours of sleep over a 24-hour period. When a child isn’t getting sufficient nighttime sleep, they may try to make up for it with excessive daytime napping.
Limiting daytime sleep at this age to around one and a half hours ensures that they can achieve 11 hours of consolidated nighttime sleep, creating the necessary sleep pressure to ease them into bedtime. This balance allows for adequate sleep pressure for both naps and successful nighttime rest.
It’s also vital to maintain consistent nap schedules. Having equal periods of wakefulness before and after naps helps build adequate sleep pressure necessary for both naptime and bedtime success.
Why is self-soothing essential in sleep coaching for toddlers?
Inks: Teaching children to self-soothe while removing external aids—like rocking, bouncing, feeding, or having a parent lie down—plays a crucial role in sleep training. As children go through sleep cycles, they transition into deeper sleep stages and then back up. If the comfort that helped them fall asleep in the lighter sleep stages is missing, they may struggle to move into the next cycle, resulting in disrupted sleep.
Our aim is to empower our children with the ability to navigate from wide awake to sound asleep independently—just as adults do at bedtime. This skill enables them to stabilize their sleep patterns and rest more peacefully overnight.
Why is consistency critical for bedtime routines in young children?
Inks: Humans are quite protective of our sleep environment. Unexpected changes or events are generally unwelcome. Therefore, having a consistent bedtime routine and establishing steady expectations surrounding sleep is vital for your young child.
What should I do if I face challenges with sleep training?
Inks: Remember, this journey isn’t a straightforward one. Progress can be inconsistent, and there will inevitably be tough days, nightmares, interruptions from vacations, and so on.
However, if those slumber abilities are present, the good news is it’s generally easier to get back on track. We can’t make your child sleep, but we can equip them with the tools needed to become great sleepers. Sleep is a skill (akin to swimming!), and I genuinely believe that with the right guidance, every child can master the art of good sleep, making it a wonderful gift to provide them since this ability will serve them well throughout their lives.
When is the best time to start sleep coaching?
Inks: This is a common question I receive. My consistent answer is: If you’re ready, then your child is ready. I work with infants and children up to ten years old and am pleased to say that they all evolved into great sleepers. It’s never too late to teach your child how to sleep effectively. Sleep impacts every aspect of our lives, and since we spend a third of our lives sleeping, we should strive to excel at it!
Key takeaways from our journey in teaching toddlers sleep techniques
Collaborating with a sleep consultant helped us stay accountable and on track through a process that can easily get derailed by life’s many distractions. If hiring a sleep consultant isn’t financially feasible, appointing a family mentor is also a practical option.
Each child is unique. As Dr. Kumar notes, the effectiveness of a strategy based on logic relies on the child’s cognitive development. In our situation, the reward and consequence method proved to be an excellent fit. The sticker charts and rewards gradually faded away after a few weeks, yet our daughter’s newly acquired sleep skills persisted! We found that reestablishing her routine after any setbacks became significantly easier. While our daughter found comfort in her fresh, consistent sleep schedule, our entire family also felt more at ease, allowing me at last to sink into the embrace of my beloved, plush pillow.
