My sister joined a “present family” when she married. Growing up, our family wasn’t focused on gift-giving, so she found herself completely unprepared for the intense gift exchange culture of her partner’s family. For us, it’s all about Secret Santa—just one gift with a fifty dollar limit, and it’s all wrapped up!
But what does it mean to be a present family?
Defining a Present Family
Comedian and podcaster, Heather McMahan, shared her thoughts on the topic in her podcast, Absolutely Not, where she humorously described the shock of entering a family that thrives on gifts.
“We’re not a present family, I get it. But man, just wait until you get older and perhaps marry into a present family; it’s a strange experience,” Heather revealed to her guest, Logan Crosby. “Some individuals only express love through material gifts, and it’s quite a ride to witness.”
Logan chimed in, “Yeah, and I mean, maybe one day, if I marry into a family that wants to buy me…”
Heather jumped in with a laugh, “Hold on a second, I’ve never received that gift. I haven’t gotten a gift.”
The two shared a hearty laugh together.
Present families operate on a different level. As Heather noted, they’re often an outlet for emotionally distant families to demonstrate their affection. Essentially, every single family member—parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it—receives a gift. And then, on gift-opening day, everyone gathers to unwrap their presents, which can take hours.
Characteristics of a Non-Present Family
After the segment went viral, TikTok users discussed the distinction between present families and non-present families, weighing the pros and cons of each approach.
“I had no idea there were non-present families,” exclaimed one user.
“I come from a large present family and married into a less gift-oriented family. It feels inexpensive,” another shared.
One user commented, “Noooo I love gift-giving! It’s not because material things equal love, but selecting something meaningful because you truly know someone is special. In our family, gifts are definitely given.”
A TikToker reflected, “I was raised in a no present family and ended up in a present family. I often feel uneasy receiving gifts; it feels transactional, like I owe them something 😭.”
“I’m from a non-present family. Present families overwhelm me 😂,” another added.
One user inquired, “Does a no present family really mean zero gifts???”
A fellow user responded, “My family prefers experiences over presents, so we give things like tickets or trips instead.”
“My spouse and I don’t exchange gifts throughout the year. We only get a few things for Christmas so the kids don’t see us giving nothing. Overall, we’re not a gift-giving couple,” someone else replied.
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