Have you heard the expression, “No one prepares you for the hardest part of motherhood, which is watching your children grow up?” I truly think this sentiment captures the essence of parenting during the pre-teen years. While I had always been made aware that this phase could be tough, the extent of transformation that occurs during the tween stage genuinely took me by surprise.
Observing your children grow and witnessing their journey to becoming their authentic selves is an extraordinarily unique experience, but brace for an emotional whirlwind. The tween years typically span from ages 9 to 12. In my view, these years feel both elongated and demanding. The tween phase is a vast unknown territory. While many parents share similarities in their stories during these pre-teen years, it’s crucial to recognize that each journey is unique. Nonetheless, as a mother who has recently moved on to raising a teenager, I have gained several insights from my time raising tweens. Here’s what I wish I had known.
Be ready for an emotional rollercoaster
Children in the tween age bracket frequently undergo hormonal changes, often dragging their parents along on this tumultuous journey. As a mother, I had to learn to accept the highs and lows, all while guiding my daughter through the challenges she faced.
Honestly, I see a lot of myself reflected in my daughter. We have more in common than either of us might want to admit. During her transition periods, I try to pause and think about what I would have hoped for my mom to do at her age. Adopting this perspective has been incredibly beneficial. It allows me to empathize with her experiences since I’ve encountered similar situations in my own life. Certainly, patience and maintaining open lines of communication are invaluable throughout these formative years.
You can’t always save them
A crucial lesson I learned during the tween years is the importance of stepping back. Children yearn for independence, and I had to trust that I had equipped my daughter with the tools needed to face various challenges. Though I often wished to solve her problems for her, allowing her to take charge turned out to be the most supportive choice I could make.
Whether it was addressing the issue of a forgotten assignment or resolving a conflict with a peer, guiding her through discussions about these situations rather than directly intervening contributed significantly to her growth over time.
Watch for excessive screen time
As my daughter grew older, I realized we needed to be increasingly careful about her screen time. Eventually, we imposed limits on her iPad and smartphone usage. Of course, she still had unfettered access for texting and calling during emergencies. In light of recent studies highlighting the risks associated with early phone and social media exposure, I recognized that it was crucial for us as parents to purposefully set boundaries for her.
Quality time is essential
Though life can get busy, I wish I had fully appreciated the importance of finding the right balance. It’s vital to carve out individual time during their tween years when your presence is treasured. Their interests tend to shift rapidly at this stage. My daughter went from being infatuated with American Girl dolls to getting lost in the world of Harry Potter and then Twilight within just a few years. Staying engaged with their passions and sharing unplugged moments together will create lasting memories.
Don’t underestimate self-care
Self-care was a significant challenge for us throughout the tween years. My daughter was constantly involved in extracurricular activities, sometimes at the expense of her own well-being. For her, self-care meant indulging in activities she genuinely enjoyed, such as journaling, coloring, and biking. Unfortunately, numerous scheduled commitments often pushed these hobbies to the background.
In response, we created small self-care kits that included items like a mini coloring book and markers, deodorant, body spray, feminine hygiene products, a fidget toy, and a stress ball. The stress ball and fidget toy became particularly useful for her during anxious moments, helping her to regain calm and focus.
Self-care also involved maintaining basic hygiene. As she traversed the pre-teen years and began experiencing puberty, I aided her in establishing a simple yet manageable routine.
Positive reinforcement strengthens self-esteem
During the tween years, children’s identities and self-worth begin to take shape. Parents play a pivotal role in this development, especially before they are faced with the added pressures of teenage life and high school. Reminding them that setbacks can be valuable learning experiences and finding opportunities—no matter how small—to celebrate their successes will help bolster their confidence and encourage resilience.
