As a travel enthusiast, I once envisioned myself as a mother who seamlessly leaves her child with grandparents for a relaxing getaway or a fun night out. However, after several years of motherhood, particularly when my daughter entered her toddler phase, the only times I parted from her were the two nights I spent in the hospital having her little brother.
For new mothers, leaving an infant, even for a short duration, can be a daunting experience—be it a night away or your first date night outside the home. Newborns inherently require your constant presence, making the transition quite challenging. When it finally comes time to separate, it can become emotionally complex to navigate. While I’d like to claim that my attachment stems solely from her dependency on me, the truth is that I find it hard to leave my baby. If you share similar feelings of unease about being apart from your little ones, whether with your partner or another caregiver, know that you are not alone. Experiencing some anxiety when breaking from routine and leaving your child behind, especially for the first time, is perfectly normal. Fortunately, there are various strategies to help ease both your mind and the emotions of everyone involved as you prepare to leave.
Whether your child will be cared for by your partner, a family member, or another caregiver, I will refer to a partner for consistency; most of the advice provided applies regardless of who is looking after your little one. Here are ten tips to help you get ready for your first time away from your baby:
1. Acknowledge and accept that another caregiver will have a different approach
Every parent has their own unique way of raising children, and this includes you and your partner. Regardless of how similar your parenting philosophies may be, they are likely to handle certain things differently. This is entirely fine, as children are adaptable. Your partner’s routines might not match yours, meals might stray from being overly nutritious, and there could be an increase in screen time. It’s crucial to allow your partner the autonomy to manage things in their own way, keeping in mind that they love your child and are doing their best based on their judgment.
2. Share your major concerns
A fellow new mom provided me with this insightful tip. She had numerous concerns regarding her child’s safety. Instead of launching into a long list of dos and don’ts (though providing some guidelines is important), she opted to clearly communicate her worries. Expressing these feelings helped her release the burden of anxiety and enabled her partner to better understand her perspective, ultimately alleviating some of her worries.
3. Conduct a trial run
Leaving your infant for the first time can trigger a whirlwind of emotions for you, your partner, and your child. Consider attempting a brief trial separation beforehand. This may help you feel more relaxed about the impending longer absence and can reinforce your partner’s confidence in managing the situation.
4. Discover how your partner/caregiver flourishes
Does your partner prefer a detailed schedule, or do they feel comfortable with a more laid-back approach? It’s vital for your partner to feel capable and for there to be some organization in place before you step out. Discuss what format would instill confidence for both of you and be sure to support them in every way possible.
5. Document your routine for a few days
If you’ve taken on the role of primary caregiver, there are likely daily activities that feel intuitive to you. These small details can form the backbone of your interactions with your baby.
While my husband is a very engaged father, I am usually the primary caregiver, so naturally, I have more insights about our baby. This doesn’t imply he lacks the ability to care for her; it simply reflects the extensive knowledge I’ve gained from our daily interactions, which I sometimes forget to share.
If your partner seeks comprehensive information, take time to reflect on your daily activities. For a few days, jot down notes throughout your routine to help retain those tiny details. If this method isn’t their style, you can always create a written overview for them, making it clear that they can refer to it as needed without the pressure of adhering strictly to every guideline.
6. Schedule a moment for yourself to check-in
Once you’ve departed, you may feel the urge to check in frequently to see how your baby is handling things. To help you maintain boundaries and foster trust in your partner, designate a specific time for yourself to assess how everything is going. This way, you can enjoy your time away meaningfully.
7. Clarify your priorities
It’s likely that your partner will have a different approach to tasks, and that’s entirely acceptable. However, if there are fundamental aspects of your baby’s routine that you feel strongly about, it’s crucial to communicate these clearly. Avoid stressing over things like nightly baths or keeping the house pristine. Instead, focus on the essentials, such as proper nap times, feeding schedules, or other elements vital to your child’s health and mood. For instance, if skipping a specific nap results in a fussy baby, convey this important detail.
8. Provide a list of essential contacts
It’s impossible to predict when unforeseen events may arise—such as illnesses or emergencies. How would your partner handle a situation requiring a sudden trip to the emergency room? Is there someone who could temporarily care for your other children? While such scenarios may not happen every time, it’s wise to be prepared. Collaborate on a list of contacts, including names, phone numbers, and addresses of people you both trust—like a reliable family member or neighbor. Additionally, have your pediatrician’s and other specialists’ contact information handy, especially if your child has any chronic health issues.
9. Prepare yourself for success
Leaving your baby for the first time represents a significant milestone in parenting. Keep a record of your time apart through journaling or photography. Whenever you find yourself missing your child, I found it helpful to look at photos on my phone. Moreover, consider what brings you joy that you haven’t been able to pursue lately. Are you an avid reader? Refresh your Kindle library or bring along a paperback of the novel you’ve been wanting to dive into. Tune into podcasts or catch up on the latest trending shows. These activities can serve as excellent distractions when you find yourself longing for your family.
While you make sure your partner is prepared, ensure you are as well. If you’re currently breastfeeding, don’t forget to gather the necessary pump components and supplies. Having a backup, such as a haakaa or manual pump, can also serve you well should your primary pump encounter issues. Plan how you’ll transport your breastmilk home and stay informed on the latest TSA regulations regarding breastmilk. Note that international travel with breastmilk can vary greatly by location.
10. Keep in mind that this will be beneficial for all
You might shed tears on your first night away from your infant, and it’s possible you’ll find yourself awake, wondering how your family is doing back home. This emotional response is entirely natural. Amid the flood of feelings, remind yourself that this experience is beneficial for everyone involved. Your partner is bonding with the baby, the baby is learning to trust someone other than you, and you are hopefully taking part in something that nourishes your well-being too.
As mothers, particularly new ones, we often neglect our own needs. Leaving your baby at home can be tough, but try to cherish this time for yourself. Whether it’s a girls’ outing, a romantic dinner with your partner, or simply some much-needed alone time, valuing these experiences is essential. Even if you’re traveling for work, seize any opportunity for rest, acknowledge how much you love and miss your baby, and ideally, return home rejuvenated and ready to embrace the joys of motherhood with fresh enthusiasm.
