For both children and their caregivers, the onset of a new school year brings a mix of excitement and challenges. Adjustments to new routines, altered bedtimes, and shifts in mealtimes are all part of the transition. Amidst these changes, one emotion is almost guaranteed: post-school meltdowns.
Having taught preschool and elementary students, I vividly recall the throngs of kindergartners at the end of the day, many in tears for seemingly no reason. The lengthy nature of the school day can certainly take its toll, especially on younger children. Even older kids require sufficient sleep, and it’s easy to forget that they are still developing emotionally. Ultimately, these frustrations often stem from fatigue and the struggle to adjust to a new schedule.
It’s not merely about shifting bedtime; parents must also recognize that their children’s emotional load has increased. There’s a stark difference between the carefree days of summer and the structure that arrives with the new school season. Children need understanding from their parents during this adjustment period, along with a nurturing environment to help them cope.
Adjust Your Expectations
Prepare yourself for the possibility of challenging moods in your child after a long day at school. If you are aware that your child tends to struggle upon arriving home, you can engage with them at their level. Acknowledge your child’s unique temperament. Are they easily fatigued? How do they tend to behave when they’re hungry? Do they welcome change, or does it cause them anxiety? By being honest about your child’s character, you can align your expectations more realistically.
Bear in mind that children often experience what can be termed “restraint collapse” at home because they feel safe to express their true emotions. After hours of maintaining composure in a structured school environment, coming home is when they can let their guard down. They are able to release pent-up emotions because they know they are in a loving space. While this can be exhausting for parents, viewing it from this perspective can remind you that you are creating an environment that encourages emotional expression.
Revising your expectations can also help you remain calm. Remember, a soothing presence is often the best remedy for a breakdown. A negative reaction can escalate the situation, prolonging the outburst. On the other hand, when you can provide comfort and understanding, your child is more likely to calm down. Keeping your standards reasonable means you will be less exasperated by their emotional displays and better able to be the steady support they need.
Restraint Collapse in Preschoolers
If your child attends preschool or daycare, understand that they too have had a long day, even if it’s been enjoyable. Establishing a predictable post-pickup routine with low demands can be beneficial. For example, one family I worked with created a special playlist for their child to enjoy during the ride home, while another kept a basket of sensory toys in the car for the child to play with. These small gestures can help children self-soothe after a busy day.
Elementary School Age
Plan to keep after-school activities light, imposing few demands. Aim for an open schedule that allows your child the time they need to recharge. During the first weeks back at school, relax your expectations and provide them ample time to wind down. This is not the time to enforce new boundaries, establish fresh rules, or overload them with additional tasks. Keep requests minimal and maintain a calm atmosphere.
Middle and High School Age
Don’t take it personally if your older child isn’t in the mood to talk after school; it doesn’t reflect on your parenting. They may simply need time to unwind. Remember, they have spent a large part of the day engaged in conversation and responding to questions. Give them the space they need. For instance, my daughter always required alone time after school, even in her early elementary years. Instead of bombarding her with questions, I would respect her need for quiet and simply let her know I was there for her. After dinner, she would become quite chatty, offering insights into her day. Had I forced interaction, she might have shared less.
Hangry Children Are Prone to Outbursts
In some cases, I’ve suggested families allow their kids to eat dinner earlier. This trend has gained popularity on social media, with parents sharing their mealtime strategies. Serving dinner sooner can have significant benefits; a well-fed child is less likely to have meltdowns. If family meals are important, consider providing an earlier dinner for the kids and letting them enjoy their favorite snacks while parents eat later. Stay flexible and avoid rigid expectations. There are various ways to bond as a family. If letting your children eat an hour or two earlier affords you additional peace, it’s well worth it.
Additionally, offering snacks before they get cranky can help prevent outbursts. I once collaborated with a parent who would provide her child with a snack only after noticing the signs of an impending meltdown, but by then, it was often too late. At this point, the child had reached what I consider “the point of no return,” where they are too dysregulated to respond well to suggestions. Instead, proactively providing their favorite snack at the first signs of agitation can significantly improve the rest of the day.
Less is More
Many modern parents run schedules that could rival those of the busiest executives. After school, children often rush to their next event or activity. When my kids were in elementary school, I let their coaches know that we would skip practice during the first week of school. They always appreciated the honesty. This period is a valuable opportunity to assess what your child truly needs. While some might benefit from continued physical activity, adjustments that prioritize your child’s well-being are crucial as they adapt to their new academic schedule.
During the initial weeks of school, make an effort to keep evenings as free as possible. This will lighten your load and allow you to be the supportive figure your child needs when things feel overwhelming. It’s much harder to remain calm amid outbursts when you’re tired and overbooked. When my kids were in school, I decided to order takeout three evenings during the first week. Though I enjoy cooking, relieving myself of this obligation proved invaluable. It minimized kitchen cleanup, my kids got to enjoy their favorite meals, and I had extra time to spend with them.
Consider your own mental state as well. Parents often feel anxious about the back-to-school transition. Effectively managing this stress can help you maintain your composure during the current adjustment period. Whether your children are in elementary school or high school, reminding yourself that this phase is temporary can provide comfort during the tough moments.
The start of the school year is a transitional period for both children and parents alike. Embracing this change, rather than resisting it, can lead to a smoother adjustment. Make sure to carve out time for both yourself and your child as they acclimate to the new routine. Before long, you will find them settled in, and peace will be restored.
