When you find the right partner, marriage can also mean becoming part of a new family filled with affection. Your sister-in-law might become the one you text late at night when you’re perplexed by your baby’s strange diaper situation. Perhaps your father-in-law will stop by to straighten your crooked mailbox. You may even cherish taking your mother-in-law out for lunch filled with lively conversation, thanks to a strong bond. However, not everyone enjoys a positive experience with their in-laws.
Enter TikTok creator Janelle (@heyjanellemarie), who regularly shares insights about her challenging relationship with her mother-in-law, offering comfort to those who face their partner’s mother’s displeasure.
“Your mother-in-law doesn’t hate you,” she asserts. “She hates herself.”
This statement piques our curiosity. Many might struggle to see how their mother-in-law’s behavior could be mistaken for anything but disdain. However, Janelle elaborates on her perspective…
“She may not be aware that she despises herself, but that’s often the root,” she clarifies, adding, “It could stem from various issues: the way you confidently assert your boundaries may frustrate her. She may resent your successful career, something she never had. She could be envious of the loving treatment you receive from her son, especially if her own marriage lacked such affection.”
“She might even feel torn. The truth is, she likely wants to connect with you. Her social media may profess her love for you, yet her actions tell a different narrative.”
Janelle suggests that these troubles escalate when her deep-seated insecurities seize upon minor incidents. “The moment you do something she can latch onto—something that contradicts her idealized notion of perfection—she may project her feelings onto you. That’s why you seem to be the sole target of your mother-in-law’s discontent; you are the only one available for her to channel those unacknowledged insecurities.”
She finishes with a valuable insight: while it’s important to recognize these dynamics and cultivate empathy, this doesn’t mean you must accept poor treatment.
The comment section is filled with individuals who resonate with her message and express their shared experiences.
“Mine doesn’t like me because she can’t control me,” shares one user. Janelle suggests this likely stems from the mother-in-law’s own feelings of powerlessness.
“I needed this tonight,” another commenter adds. “My mother-in-law just sent my husband a lengthy email berating me for my behavior—simply because I stopped letting her violate my boundaries after years.”
“It took me some time to realize this,” reflects a third. “I overheard my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law making comments about other women that reeked of insecurity. That’s when I finally understood.”
Ultimately, this connects to a piece of advice I’ve given my children regarding peers who treat them poorly: while you shouldn’t endure rudeness or disrespect, recognize that such behavior often reveals more about the other person’s internal struggles than about you. Accusations often serve as a window into their own admissions.
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